Travel makes us appreciate the small things in life such as a little twin bed out on the back porch.
We recently traveled a ways from home and stayed with a close relative. We arrived on a timely schedule and went to her house. Her business is located in her home. We were shown to a beautiful room at the front of the house – kind of away from the business part of the house. That was OK with us as we did not want to interfere. In fact we were grateful to have the room. She is in the caregiving business and as such, at nights there is a staff person available to help the clients.
It is a different arrangement but it worked for us…until the second night. The first night we were both so tired from travel that we hit the pillow and slept through. The second night however my troubles started. My tired hubs hit his pillow and began to snore immediately. Not just little puffs of air that gently pffttt from between slack lips. No, these were mouth wide-open, chest heaving, snorts that rattled the roof. If we were at home I would move to the back porch and crawl into my little twin bed. Not so here.
I took my pillow and the extra quilt and headed out into the unknown. I thought I might bed down in the living area as I had spied a comfy looking couch in there. The lights were dim but I could make out a body already on the couch. Dangit! The available staff I supposed. As I entered the room, she let out a snort similar to the ones from my husband. “Oh, dear God,” I thought. “I don’t want to be near her either.” I resumed my quest for sleeping quarters.
I went to the back of the house to a spare bedroom I had slept in before and discovered that it had been turned into a storage area. A HUGE buffalo head greeted me at the door. His big glass eyes convinced me to turn and head back to the front of the house. The client rooms, of course, were off limits and the proprietor had her door closed. There was no room at the Inn so to speak, so I reluctantly opted for the floor in the carpeted dining area.
I spread my quilt out and rolled up snug like a burrito, arranged my pillow, and thought that it would not to be too bad for one night. No sooner did my head hit the pillow when a deep snore burst from the living area. I turned over and an answering snore came from our bedroom – through a closed door I might add.
I tossed and turned. I would close my eyes and be in a drift towards dreamland when one or the other would snort so loudly I was immediately wakened. I had inadvertently placed myself in the war zone between two world class snorers. They were oblivious and I was wide awake. I began with a small prayer. “Oh, dear God, Please open the nostrils of the afflicted and let them breath through their noses.” That prayer led directly to the teen plea, “Oh, My God!” I would turn and pound the pillow. Schnnniickkkkk, shrrooonnggg “Oh my God! Please shut them UP!” Noise to raise the dead. My prayers increased in intensity. “Sweet Jesus, come down and remove the little, hangy-downy things in the backs of their throats.” Snoooorrrkkkkkk, Pffftttt, Snooorrrkkk, Pfffftttt was my answer.
I heaved myself up off the floor and got a drink. I re-rolled in my quilt and lay my head flat on the floor with the pillow on top. Arrruugugggghhh gakgakgak, came from the bedroom. He must be clearing his throat. Maybe my prayers were answ… Snoorrkkkk, Pffttttt I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling, “Good God in heaven, I will give up all sugar and chocolate if you will close the mouths of these two.” My answer was a deep snoorrrttt from the living area. Back and forth it went. All night long.
I think I got five minutes of sleep when my hubs began to shake me. “Hon, what are you doing in here on the floor?”
I raised my bleary eyes from underneath my quilt and said in a snarky voice, “Ooohhh, I was praying dear.”
He shrugged and said, “Well, you better get with it, we need to leave in a few minutes.”
I watched him enter the kitchen and said my final prayer, “Oh, dear God in heaven, keep him from harm today.”