Guineas, Late Payments and Leech Training

Guineas, Late Payments and Leech Training

Some days are simply unforgettable. We had one of those days last week. Four days before our 36th anniversary, we traveled from West Virginia to Michigan for Hubby to have reconstructive surgery. On his nose.

His surgery went well and I took him back to the hotel. We were to meet with the surgeon again next morning before heading home. Neither of us slept very well, but we got up early with a positive attitude, packed our bags, checked out of the hotel and headed back to the outpatient surgery center.

As we were pulling into the parking lot my phone chimed to let me know there was a text message. It was the teenager. She was attending band camp – back in WV. Her first “official” High School activity. She had no monthly supplies. Acchhh. Poor thing. I texted back as soon as I parked.

“All OK now?”

“Yep.”

“Want me to find someone to bring you some things?”

‘Nope. I’m good.”

Still and all, I gnawed at that worry for exactly 45 seconds and then the phone rang. I heard my husband giving vague answers and then he turned to me and said, “Did you order some guinea birds in April?”

My brain clicked. “Ummm… Yes. Yes, I did.” Yikes! How could I have forgotten?

I heard him tell the Post Master. “Yes she did. Yes. No. Yes, we will find a way to get them picked up today.”

Deep breath. We called the friends who were keeping the younger kids and gave them a quickie lesson on how to pick up 30 cockroach-size birds, fix a box, dip their little beaks into the water, and set out the feeders. I felt bad for my friends and I felt bad for the birds but I had other worries to attend. My husband’s anesthesia had worn off and he was not exactly in the finest form to deal with guinea keets and young teenage girls.

As I slipped the phone into my purse, it rang again. I waved Hubs on and answered. This time, our basement renter was in a panic. His truck payment was going to be late if he didn’t do it today. I talked him through the online process. Payment made. I pushed the phone into the depths of my purse.

“What else?” I think. I head into the surgery office.

We enter the exam room and Hubby takes a seat. The surgeon looks at him and says something along the lines of, “This is not going to work. We need a different treatment.” I look at Hubs and raise my brows in question. He shrugs and nods.

The surgeon eyeballs me and says, “We are going to have to put leeches on the area to drain the blood and you will need to apply them around the clock.”

I choke out, “WE??? Excuse Me? Apply leeches?” I thought he was joking.

He was not.

“Are there any other treatments?” Hubs is shaking his head “no” and breathing erratically.

“Well you could poke it repeatedly with a needle every hour until it all drains, but I really think the leeches are the best bet to save this area.”

I was thinking, “No way am I going to grab squirmy leeches and put them on the end of my husband’s brand new nose.”

Well… I did. Several times. Without gagging, I might add.

At one point I could have sworn I heard my husband whisper, “Must. Get. A. Script. For. XANAX!” That was about the time I dropped the first leech.

No worries. I found it.

We made it back to West Virginia in time for our anniversary.

We have experienced many things in our thirty-six years of marriage, but I believe that “Leech Training” vaults to first place, ahead of any of the other crazy things we have done together.

Happy Anniversary Hubs!

About Fawn Musick

Writings to make you Smile and Think. Fawn is an award winning newspaper columnist. She is an avid writer, blogger, and mom. Her advice comes from her years of mothering her eight children.
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